I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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