Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
