it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
