can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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