Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize