she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you never un-have a 4some
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
