party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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