I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
