The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
