I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
