I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
