Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
