Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
