Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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