need another drink. this is the easiest way
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
