Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
