I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
