cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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