An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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