first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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