dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
