How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
