I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
