Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
