Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You took a bar mat shot.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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