do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
