I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
