i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
