How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
