She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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