Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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