That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
