I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
