doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
