Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
