dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
