We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im about as happy as oj after his trial
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize