Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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