She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
