My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
When are your genitals available?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
