love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
