omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
