I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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