Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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