I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
