I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize