you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
