PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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