Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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