in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize