i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
