i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
