it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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