I think my vagina is haunted
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
