i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
