no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
two words: eviction party
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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