I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
