So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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