u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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