So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
