I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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