can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
