Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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