need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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